Menu Mishaps: Pop's Pizza

We think Pop's Pizza is suffering from an identity crisis.

Or maybe it just doesn't understand the definition of the word "all." If "all" of your pizzas have thin crusts, then by definition, you cannot sell a thick-crusted pizza.
We also doubt its claims of authenticity. Wouldn't an authentic Sicilian know how to spell Sicilian, we ponder.

And we hate to get picky (OK, no we don't, but it sounds more polite this way), but the last time we checked, Philly isn't one of the buroughs.

And we would be remiss if we let this gem slide:

Did Pop fail history class? Montezuma was an Aztec ruler who was overthrown by Spaniards. Italy was not even in the picture. So why sell an "Italian sandwich" with "Italian sausage" under the name Montezuma's revenge? Between the meatball bomb and this guy, we think Pop may be trying to hint that his sandwiches are best eaten near a restroom. Wouldn't want to pull a Charlotte!

Menu Mishaps: Hooligan's

My God, Gerald!
Hooligan's Has Got A Case Of The Capitals!
I Don't Know How They'll Survive. People Must Get So Confused Reading When Every Word Is Capitalized. How Could Anything Stand Out When It All Looks The Same?
Each Condiment Is Given Equal Standing Alongside Things Like Bacon (Which, Admittedly, Deserves A Capital).


A Simple Exercise In Restraint Would Serve Your Menu Well, Hooligan's.

Also, Wet Walnuts? I Don't Think I Want To Know. Oh, And: PinEapple.

Menu Mishaps: Birds on a Wire

Um, excuse me?
Sir? Ma'am?
Ah yes, thank you. I'll only take a moment of your time.
You see, we're a group of stray punctuation marks, and we've been waiting here at the airport for a very long time to be picked up by the kind folks at Birds on a Wire.
They took some of our friends, but it seems they've forgotten the rest of us. I knew we should have run faster to make that connection at LaGuardia!
Anyway, we wonder if you might give us a ride into town.
No? Really? Have you seen their lunch entrees? We got an urgent telegram from the pair of hyphens that made it over there, and they're desperate for company. They can't punctuate the whole menu alone! Please help! Someone, anyone?

Third victim: Monterrey's (Vista; Columbia, S.C.)

Dear Monterrey's,

Knowing of our desire to catch restaurant menu errors everywhere, some friends of ours took pictures of the menu at your restaurant. Because they are not the grammar aficianados that we are, we weren't sure if what they found would be what we were looking for.

However, they did not disappoint. We were greeted with an array of misspellings of quite well-known foods. Some of the errors were of the vowel-confusion variety:


We have never tasted mashrooms before, but maybe they taste good with chesse.

Some might argue that you operate an authentic Mexican restaurant, so misspellings of English words should be excused. We would never accept this excuse, but even if we were inclined to agree with those grammatical infidels, we'd like to know how they'd justify these errors:


In conclusion, Monterrey's, we think that you should take a second look at your menu and fix these spelling atrocities. While we enjoy the unpredictable spiciness of your food, we would rather not be confronted with the same unpredictability on your menu.

Best regards,

The Guerrilla Grammarians

Second victim: Firehouse Subs (Main Street, Columbia, SC)

Dear Firehouse Subs,

We had never eaten at your restaurant until earlier this year, but upon our first visit, we were enthralled by your hot subs, sour pickles and tasty chips. The environment is clean and pleasant, and the convenience of walking over from our job at the Carolina Coliseum is very inviting.

However, upon our last visit to your dining establishment, we were sitting in your brightly colored chairs, anticipating our sandwiches, when suddenly, our anticipation turned into utter horror.

We were reading the small promotional material on top of the napkin holder, interested in what else you had to offer us, when the terrible grammar on one side of the paper stopped us in our tracks. To be quite honest, we weren't sure if we could ever eat in your restaurant again.



Such a grammatical error is simply inexcusable. It boggles our minds that one would insert an apostrophe mistakenly. Perhaps an occasional left-out apostrophe is understandable, and certainly more excusable - because at least the poor soul who forgot it had some amount of self-restraint, such as to not insert an error when he wasn't sure. But the apostrophical travesty we saw in your restaurant will never be forgiven by the grammar deities because someone looked at the word, wondered if it needed an apostrophe, and - instead of quickly researching the topic - added one without a second thought.

Before apostrophe defenders everywhere storm your sandwich eatery, we suggest removing those horrendous materials from your tables.

Sincerely,

The Guerrilla Grammarians

Scrumpdelicious?

Good sirs,

We regret to inform you of several egregious grammatical missteps in the menu of your dining establishment.

The typographical errors and glaring grammar mistakes are numerous. Setting aside such oppressively fraudulent words as "Gianormous" and "Scrumpdelicious," we have found numerous examples that you have but a rudimentary understanding of the English language.


In addition, your celebrity section leads us to believe you do not have command of the simplest of search engines, Google.


If you allow us to repair the damage you have done to your menu, and to our psyches, we would be most grateful. We feel it would be most beneficial to your humble restaurant.

Best regards,

The Guerrilla Grammarians

First victim: Hyman's Seafood (Charleston, S.C.)

Dear Eli and Aaron Hyman,

I think your restaurant is wonderful. The food and service are both excellent. On my latest visit, I noticed something that I think would make it even better.

Your menu has many typos and some inconsistencies that distract from the delicious food it offers. It's not a good reflection of the pleasant experience of eating at your restaurant.

For example: you misspelled the names of several of the celebrities you tout as fans. "Steve Guttenberg" should have a double t. "Ric" Flair doesn't use a k in his name.

Your fish guide was helpful, but had inconsistencies that confused me. I still do not understand the category system.

I'm a copy editor, which is probably why I notice things like this. But even the average person who eats at Hyman's would probably appreciate some improvements to the menu. Your restaurant's reputation deserves a menu of equal merit.

I didn't take a hard copy of the menu (stealing is wrong), but if you send me one, I'd be happy to point out all the things I'm talking about. That way, the next time you need to print menus, you can print great ones!

Thanks for taking the time to listen to a happy customer,

Chelsey Karns

The culprit, Celebrities?